I got out of the packed, smelly train in a late, cool October night. A quite older woman rushed past me, but not without giving me that look. Bewildered. As if she was asking me something I couldn’t quite grasp at that time.
Without giving it a further extrinsic thought (it was already tightening up my organs in a way which was life-endangering) I heaved my luggage over the smooth floor.
Smooth was a word I hated all the way up to the moon, I detested it like the cough linctus my mom used to give me when I was a kid. Smooth, it was the one mechanism I desperately wanted to work but that would never in my entire life.
While I wandered through the station which was filled with suits and ties despite the late hour (I reminded myself I was in a pulsating metropolis now), the rolls of my suitcase clicked and clacked. The sound of it reminded me of a distant memory which was almost faded, a distinct dinosaur.
It was a childhood memory of me and my friends playing that certain game whose name I’ve forgotten, at my very own birthday party. The whole room brimmed with balloons of every color you could imagine, pies were served ranging from white chocolate to Black Forest cake, the heavy scent of joy had already infiltrated the air. We felt like no one could stop us from laughing ever.
Now, however, I don’t even remember their last names. I left them because they left me. Left me not with words but even worse with empty dreams. And I knew early on, it might sound unlikely or even unreliable, I would not wish to come too close to the then-already loathed decease of dullness, which was so highly contagious and almost never curable.
Maybe that was why the annoying sound my suitcase made did not bother me or the sirens, or the hubs, or any noise else resident to big cities. On the contrary it soothed me. I wallowed in it. Our pulses merged together.
Because it brought back those almost lost memories of letting go. The motion of loosing, followed by an all-consuming sense of liberation.
I was wearing:
Sweater Tory Burch
Overknees Asos (see how I styled them in this streetstyle-look)